With Love and Hard Work......

HARD WORK: I have been working hard on my outer appearance. Today after a weekend of doing a dance in the dressing room after dawning a pair of size 9 jeans that fit comfortably I did my weigh in on the Wii Fit. I have been doing regular weigh ins on it since November. As I stand there waiting for the little bar to rise and tell me I'm Obese I think one day it won't go that high. IT HAPPENED! When the bar assented it stopped on NORMAL! I have now lost 37 pounds am down 3 jeans sizes and 2 top sizes! The smallest I've been since Jr. year of high school!

LOVE: As many of you know I have recently suffered a major tragedy in my personal life. I have felt lost and been in some dark places I hope to never be in again. Through all this I have been supported by amazing people who love me and wont let my confidence waver (I do fight them on it but I am trying to embrace it).

Because of their love and the love of my family I have put in this hard work and am feeling better than ever about how I look on the outside. (yes I'm still working on loving the inside)

So thank you all I feel beautiful!

Time Spent

This week is spring break. At this time of year it used to be you'd be talking to your friends and neighbors about their vacation plans, but as the news keeps saying "the economy is down" or the really scary truth "gas will be $5 a gallon by summer break" So at our house we are doing our best to put some "spring" in our steps and spend this break doing the things we love.

So far we have put our hoodies to work so we could enjoy the above 40's (below 60's) weather. In our family the best time spent is at the movie theater, so we have already seen Disney's Tangled. Witch I would highly recommend for everyone in the family. Who knew a frying pan to the head of a character would make a 21 month old giggle so hard that the other movie goers would turn and laugh in delight along with him? Dean's enjoyment of the movie made my heart jump with pure glee.

We also went to a big outdoor mall to see Mars Needs Moms not in 3D (please movie makers stop making every single family movie 3D my pack of under 8 years do not enjoy the glasses and don't notice much if any difference in their enjoyment of the move. Plus it already costs me a Ulysses Grant to take them so taking on another $2 a ticket for stupid plastic glasses that they want you to recycle after is pure BS!!) The movie was good and thanks to Disney for a few hours my girls were very worried Mars might need me! Because in their words "You are the best mom ever!" and ya know Mars needs good moms.

Soon we will finish our spring break movie outing's with Rango (Not offered in 3D thank goodness!)

Also this week having a little adjustment period to get used to this crazy daylight savings time. However the sun still up at our usual bed time is really messing with the kids listening. At least that's about all that they get upset with. I love how well my kids are getting along with quiet pretend time with Littlest Pet Shops and over hearing these great compliments they are giving each other while coloring at the table.

Now it's time for some much needed Just Dance 2 on the Wii and maybe some Wii 100 bowling.

Hope you all are having a great spring break too!

BTW who else is super excited for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules? This clip makes me laugh so hard I Wii-ed (ha ha) the first time I watched it.........Enjoy

First Kiss???

When you think of your first kiss....... Do you think of someone? some place? or some feeling?

Today my beautiful daughter came home from 1st grade wearing a Harlem Glob trotters wrist band. After I inquired as to where it came from, this was the conversation that ensued...........

Shea: "Kegan gave it to me" (with her shea-a-tude the way only she gives it)

Me: "really? is Kegan a boy?" (teasing her the way only I can)

Shea: "Yes mom! he loves me you know?"

Me: "Well you better not tell your dad that"

Shea: "and........ he tried to kiss me!" (this was said in the middle of nervous giggles)

Me: "Oh thats bad, you are waaaaaaaay to young to be kissing a boy"

Shea: "GEEZ mom! I know I told him I can't kiss him til' I'm 30"

Well at least I've taught her well right?

Now I'm sitting here thinking about 1st kisses it makes me a little sentimental. My first kiss was in 6th grade with a boy names Travis at eco-week. It was a sweet kiss.... but I was not smart enough to wait til I was 30 :)

Then I though of many more 1st kisses ranging from wonderful to down right gross. One kiss I remember with the most fondness was when I was 16. I kisses a boy (friend) who had "heard" I was a wonderful kisser and he had never been kissed. So like convert agents we left a party separately to rendezvous at my car. This boy was very sweet and so I leaned in to kiss him and there it was a spark! (not my 1st spark but a nice spark) It was a wonderful kiss, he said I was amazing and the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Boy do I wish I could go back and tell that 16 year old me..... hold on to that moment because Monday morning at school your new nick name will be KISSY SLUT and that nickname will stick with you through high school.

Do you remember your 1st spark? Pucker up and tell me a wonderful story. :)

Can you see...

into my soul?
I'm currently seeing two therapists. One I see with the man who kind of looks a little bit like "my Kevin". I couldn't really tell you how things are going with that cuz every time I think I see hope I end up getting crushed again, so now I'm taking it in stride and have given up on him a little too.

The other therapist I see looks into my soul. I've been told by her that I have a strong root system but am cut off right at the heart. This all makes sense because my heart has been broken. She also says she sees a fog of sorrow around me, well yea! All I feel is sorrow. She has given me some good ideas and the desire to work through my fears but, anyone who sees me would also see I'm freaking tired!! (mentally more so than physically)
So what do you see when you look into my soul?............


Really my wish right now...... is to be put to sleep for 3 days and then have someone I can scream at.. talk to... yell at.. and hit until I feel like someone feels the way I do. Or at the very least understand how mad, sad, scared, and disappointed I am.

For the love of my Kids

Today was hard, harder than expected because it's a lovers holiday and I'm with out one and the holidays that proceeded it where hard but ok because they were family holidays. Today the love songs hurt a little more than usual and seeing all the men carrying flowers out of the stores felt bitter sweet.
So doing my best to not think about it.......I put my love into my kids today starting with a heart shaped pancake breakfast (sorry Ava I know it was early)

Then I got on all my pink clothes and just enjoyed their school parties! What beautiful girls I have. They also have the most wonderful teachers that showed them a great day!

To my kids, I love you more than words. You are perfect in every way! Thanks for choosing me to be your mommy when you saw me from heaven I know you are truly heaven sent. XOXO Mommy or in the words of Dean "mum"

Dear Papa

I love you. You make me laugh and have been here from me in my time of sorrow. Thanks for the piggy back rides and for always sharing your caffeine free Pepsi. I love sitting on the couch looking out the window talking about your "tuuuuckkk". You are a great friend and I love you. Thanks for being such a great man for me.

Love,

the lil' man Dean Cooper

How Stress and Loneliness Killed My Appetite

Well as many of you know I've had many new stresses in my life over the last 10 weeks and instead of comfort eating I went the other direction........ This is me in late November at my heaviest *** plus pounds. (not really willing to admit how huge I was)

I have lost not one.....

Not two....

but three pant sizes!


I have lost 30 plus pounds in 9 weeks. I still have alot of work to do. However this is the smallest I've been since high school!

I'm really pound of myself and can't wait to see the changes my body mind and soul go through over the next year. Happy New Year and good luck to you all and your goals and dreams in 2011!