A Hero Arrived!

The snow has made it's way to Colorado! It's these big white flakes and leaving the house is not an option for me, so I sit inside looking out every once and a while to see how much it's piling up out there........ Then in a 4 wheel drive white steed comes a hero to free us from our tower with the icy mote surrounding us! The hero in my story may be grey and older but when you hear

your children run to the window screaming GRANDPA! You know your hero has arrived and you will soon be next to the fire place, playing games with your Mom as your children run a muck in the basement.

A funny twist to our fairy tale is the tiny prince who was excited to escape was quickly baffled by the cold stuff coming from the sky! After having it hit his face and touch his boots a hesitant giggle came from deep inside.... this stuff was exciting and scary all at the same time!

(the trip to sisters was canceled because of the white stuff but we will get there soon and pictures and stories will follow)

Still here

Yup I'm still here and kicking, we had a nice holiday and I have been really enjoying the kids in their time off of school. Hope you all had a good holiday too. Now we are planing a trip that will lead us into the new year with my big sis. I'm extremely excited to see her and have her smile and hugs near when ever needed. See you all in the new year!

Getting out of bed......

I get up, I get dressed, I do my hair and fix my makeup! During the day I live in the smiles of my children. I smile when they make each other laugh.
I vacuum a lot, clean a lot, dance a lot! Laundry is always done and put away.
Mornings I'm motivated, afternoons are a bit somber, Evenings I'm too busy to think, feel, or need..........Then the nights come..... nights are hard, harder than I could ever put into words. BUT
I'm slowly looking for the light at the end of the tunnel...it's there...it's coming closer into view.
For those of you who know the situation there is no change on the other side of things only changes in me and what I'm doing to move forward as me.
I will become Gigi again soon I hope! (fingers crossed) but for now thanks for the love and prayers and offers of support........I'm getting there.

Eye of the Storm

They say there is a calm when you are in the eye of a storm. Almost a peace because you know for a moment you are safe there. However you also know to get to dry land you are going to have to leave that place of solace and that you are now in for the fight of your life to get to land.
Tonight after many weeks of sadness, tears, anger, and more hurt than I thought one soul could handle, I'm sitting in the eye of the storm but I can't keep sitting here hoping it will pass on it's own. I need to figure out a way to get back to solid ground.
I'm in for the fight of my life, a fight I never thought I'd have to face but here I am facing it.
It's not fair to me or my body to cry myself to sleep or wake up every night shaking so hard it 's painful. It's not fair to burst into tears because your 6 year old doesn't want to clean up and says something so hurtful (something you never thought she'd even be able to use against you.)
Tonight laying here wondering?.. move on or keep fighting for something that might not have never been? It's 5am and I might be rambling but I've said 3 prayers already and if I cry now I might wake the little ones, I have no one to call or scream at or hit!
It's just me sitting alone in the eye...Do I fight for dry land and risk never fully recovering my soul or do I sit and wait for a rescue that I'm almost 99% sure (as of Wednesday) is never coming?
I have so much hate and anger and regret and have been so shattered/crushed through this whole obstacle or challenge or "lesson" or whatever turn of phrase that you would use in this situation. THAT I don't want to recover I want to lay down and let the current drag me away!
Becuase of all the kind words and prayers I know one day I will appreciate them even more than now. But for now I have to scream cuz I'm so damn angry that it seems "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!"
So now it's time for the choice...stay here in the eye where the storm only feels real when I'm awake, or fight to get to land and rebuild what once used to be a beautiful loving safe haven? (one member short).

Re-Post, and Goodbye.............

My wonderful sister is trying to give a devastated woman hope. She wrote a beautiful blog and I would love you all to read it please click this link. http://opinionatedbaroness.blogspot.com/2010/11/for-my-sister.html
Now before you read this, you should know that the devastated woman is me. I have found out recently some extremely difficult news that has shook me to the core. I have never in my life hurt with such depth. I heart has been shattered, my family is broken (unsure if it can be repaired) and I feel I have no worth at this time. Thank you all for your love, however this will probably be my last post for quite some time. Goodbye.

Pumpkins

Last night was pumpkin carving time........I think we have some nice works of art.

Shea's Owl

Ava's Princess Tiana and the frog

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

ALL DONE!

After a lot of sewing .......... And then some more sewing........a lot of tool!

We have finished our costumes.....

Is the fat lady singing or just warming up?

"Things are bad and only getting worse"

(Parts by Ted Allen)

Now normally while I'm reading that book I'm laughing with my kids about a silly boy who thinks his body is falling apart because a tooth is loose and he found hair in his bush etc......

But today while preparing myself to write this post, that sentience kept popping into my head.

I've sat in front of the screen a few times this week to write out my feelings, but then decide is it any ones business how I'm feeling? Should I tell anyone how unhappy, hurt, scared, sad, and alone I am? Probably not.... this is the blog that friends and family look at to see what my kids are up.

Then last night happened and I have nowhere else to turn because my thoughts are flowing out of me like Niagara falls. I might be writing this and never post it........I guess we'll see when I'm all done.

Last night after a month of feeling so alone that I've felt like a 10 ton building was on my chest, I finally went out to the garage at 1am (Yes, Kevin was out there still) and let it all go.

Should I get into details? I'm guessing not. However, I can tell you that I cried and yelled and punched the couch. All of this happened and by the end I was back in my regular clothes and crashed out on top of our covers at 4am. Not feeling anymore loved or needed.

I'm alone, I left the greatest friends I've ever had back in AZ. Talking to my mother won't help because Kevin is such a good man, good provider, and good father (all so true by the way) how could I dis-like him so much right now? My sister is way to busy in her life to call. Friends here are non-existent. So here ALONE I sit and hope that the next day I won't wake up feeling like I could start crying at the supermarket because I see a couple kissing.

Is it really so bad that my husband never comes to bed with me anymore? Is it really bad that it doesn't dawn on him to kiss me hello or goodbye? (if I kissed him he would resist) Is it so bad he looks past me when he gets home? Or only asks about the kids day? I mean he's a very busy man with lots of responsibilities, and it's not like he yells at me or gets angry with me. He even does the dishes some nights and vacuums on Sunday's. So do I really have it that bad?

Truly even when I ask him does he love me he always says yes. Shouldn't that be enough?

I'm feeling like the fat lady has sung, but really she' not even warming up. Ok I'm done, time to hop off the pity train. There are Nations at war, children starving, women being abused. Me I'm just feeling alone and don't get enough affection.....

Time to get over it honey!!!!

He's the love of your life Ang, you'll never be without him, he's the father of your children, you still feel like a school girl when you see him fresh and clean out of the shower, you still get goosebumps when he rubs his hand down our back, he's the one who puts a Dr. Pepper in the freezer 20 minutes before you watch a movie so it's frosty for you. He's the ONE and that's enough to get you through ANYTHING!

Ok that's enough now, no more reading about poor little me. Go back to your regular lives now. I love ya blogspot for letting me feel like I got it out, feel like I'm not going to explode anymore. THANKS

The Differance.... Boys vs. Girls

I was blessed with 2 beautiful girls and we were not blessed with a boy until many years later. Now of course I know that boys and girls have their differences but I had no idea that these differences started showing almost immediately after birth. Or how cunning and a little bit evil boys can be. (I'm saying this out of love but I'm sure mom's of boys with understand)

As soon as Dean could hold a toy car in his hand he was making the motor sound! Then at 6 months tossed a ball up and over his sister's head... (It's like boys learn in the womb how to make a roaring engine sound, and how to throw a fast ball) VS. Shea at 6 months who liked snuggling with pillows and blankets, Ava liked to sit on the floor and listen to music.

Dean's favorite game since he's been able to sit up is to toss toys over the rail, so they would plummet below, and if his sisters would yell or say ouch..he'd laugh himself silly! VS. Ava at 6 months would belly laugh because Shea would make the Tarzan noise.

Tonight at only 17 months Dean was trying to scare his sisters! How at ONLY 17 months he figured this out I don't know but here are the pictures I got while catching him at this little game. Hope you all laugh as hard as I did....

Notice the little fingers sticking out of the cupboard above? Yea that's lil man hiding in the bathroom cupboard waiting for his big sisters to come in.

Oh he heard me....


ROOOAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!

His is followed by his laughing hysterically (mostly because I said AHAHHHH!)
Who is this funny kid? And when did he decide torturing girls was so fun???

What a crack up!!

Raking in Some FUN!

Well in our neck of the woods Fall has arrived! At our house that means about 30 extra large bags full of leaves before our trees are even bare. Today in the spirit of Fall fun we had to pile them high and JUMP! The kids were loving the 1..2..3....Jump!

The scrapbooker in me ran to the house and grabbed my camera, here's the action I caught.

1....2...3.... JUMP!!!!!


Dean loved throwing the leaves up over his head.

Smile it's Fall.

Hope You Have a Very HAPPY FALL!

One Down Three to Go

Ava's costume is all done........Finished making it this afternoon!

In case you couldn't tell she's a "fancy witch"

(Ava's choice when I asked what she wanted to be)

Now I just have to do finishing touches on Shea's Dean's and mine!

Sickness

Well the time has arrived in Colorado where Sunday way 50 and rainy Monday was 75 and sunny today is 40's and raining and by Friday they say 80's. How is a body to adjust to this?
Well apparently it isn't because I am laying around eating soup falling asleep by the TV at 9pm (I don't fall asleep with any noises like EVER) and shluping kids off to school in my slippers. I was handling this ok until this morning when I dragged myself out of bed and down to wake the kids....
"Ava, it's time to get up for school"
"mommy it's still night time" (like I said 40's and rainy so no sun in the sky)
"No babe it's just really cruddy outside so we need to dress warm"
"Mom, my neck hurts it feels like glunk glunk on the inside" (this is all said in a nasal horse voice)
"oh, babe you are sick you need to stay home"
"ok,................."
I look down at her and she is already snoring and out!
After I get Shea off to school I lay back down hoping to get 2 mins of rest before Dean gets up, and here comes Ava in my room. No extra sleep for me :(
Well as the day went on and we sat around watching UP and Tinkerbell and Shrek the Third, I told Ava she needed to nap.
"Mom you said I don't have to nap on days I don't have school"
DARN IT WHY DO KIDS REMEMBER EVERYTHING!!!!!!????????
Yes I said this but I meant it as on the weekends she didn't need to nap because she isn't getting up at 7 am for school. DARN darn triple darn. However it is what I said so now we are watching Princess and the Frog and I'm thinking why do mom's get sick????????
AND hoping that on Shea's walk home she doesn't get her feet wet........oh let me save myself I'm going to go pick her up! (yea that's a good idea). T minus 6 hours until night-quil and my pillow (oooo that's another great idea, GO ME!)

Halloween Craft Project Time

I LOVE Halloween and with the holidays comes fun foam, hot glue, ribbon, glitter, and scissors. This year like many in the past I am making or glamorizing many parts of the families Halloween costumes. We like to be unique!!!

Ninja girl Shea, still working on her sash and

pants plush glamorizing her weapons.

Dean the viking, YES I made that hat. It is a stocking cap, duct tape,

aluminum foil, masking tape, and fabric fur! Vest and pants to come.

This is a fun project the girls and I do every year. Use old milk cartons and
draw ghost faces on them, cutting a small hole in the back fill with tinkle
lights and you have fun luminaries to light the way for trick or treaters.


This is a new project my mom found. Our totem pole is made of laundry soap
containers and an orange juice container. How do you like my cyclops, pumpkin,
Frank, and witch? Fun right?


Hope your holidays are filled with crafts, family fun, and lots of hot chocolate!

Read-a-Thon Spirit Week

At the girls school this week we have had spirit days leading up to the read-a-thon today. I think my girls are so cute when they are excited about something.

Tuesday, let a book take you to far away places....... Hawaiian dress

Wednesday, "slip" in to a good book........ wear your slippers

Thursday, get "tied" up in the wonder of reading....... neck ties

Friday!!! Read-a-Thon!! wear your p.j.'s and bring a pillow (Ava doesn't go to school on Fridays)

This is really fun! I like having school spirit and we also want to thank all of you so much for your donations. Shea was so happy to drop her donations today. Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!

Tiny Compassionate Heart

Tonight for family movie night we put in the new Tinkerbell movie "Tinkerbell and the Great Fairy Rescue". While lounging back and eating popcorn there was a part where Tinkerbell and her new friend Lizzie have to say goodbye to each other. Both characters had every sad faces and my little girl.....

Burst into tears and said "mommy this is so sad"

I looked at her with a little bit of shock at her reaction to this, and it took me back to when I was pregnant and I would cry at a greeting card ad.

So I quickly scooted on to her recliner and held her. (these were big, real tears).

She was so sad for the two cartoon characters that it took pausing the movie and talking out her feelings to calm her down.

Shea: "mom it's so hard to say goodbye when you love someone so much!"

Me: "I know babe, and it's so sweet for you to think of their feelings like that."

Shea: sobbing, "it's so so sad"

I had no idea how to respond other than to hold her.

I have to say I too had a moment of heart ache and amazement at the pure compassion that my 6 year old had just expressed. What a sweet, loving girl I have in my home.......... I am a VERY LUCKY Mommy!!

St. George UT

Now that we have kind of settled into our routine again I can look back on our wonderful trip to St. George and tell you all about it.
The drive there took a lil extra time because the DVD player broke and it had to be replaced by stopping off at Target. Plus we had to stop in Beaver and get "squeaky cheese" (so worth it).
After arriving at my sissy's house we were welcomed by very excited kids that instantly began their favorite games.
Knowing in advanced that the next day would be filled with lots of cooking (my sister had to cater for a wedding) I tried very hard to sleep. But if you love a sibling as much as I love mine it was like a 5 year old trying to sleep the night before Disneyland.
Woke up and when I mean alot of cooking.....wow........I chopped peppers and zucchinis from about 830-2. Plus there was stirring and making bread and flavored oil for that bread. Then sis ran off and we were left in charge of getting Chaser to football practise... 100 times I asked him do you have everything you need? 100 replies yes! So Hubman and I load 6 kids in the car and head off to practise about 20 minutes away, park, and Chaser says "Uncle Kevin wheres my helmet?"......Yup 100 time was not nearly enough times to ask do you have everything?

The next few days where filling with movies in the AMAZING theater room, swimming, and game play. Ava and Aislynn spent 98% of the time joined at the hip while in full dress up mode. Shea played lots of PS2, chased the big boys, and kitties all around and Dean soaked up all the attention of big boy cousins and his lovey auntie.

Before I wrap up my story I have to tell you about his very cool place we went for date night. Anasazi Stake house.... You order your steak or shrimp or scallops and they bring them to you raw on a hot stone (700 degrees hot) and you cook it on your plate on this hot stone!!!! It was amazing and really tasty. But you know when men get together their mental age becomes 14. So of course my hubman and Trishy's hubman where melting icecubes on it and seeing how hot their forks would get and keeping their mashed potatoes hot. Silly Boys!
All in all a great new experience.

NOW FOR THE GREAT PICTURES............

Free digital slideshow created with Smilebox

Rested?

After returning home from a 3.5 day vacation I have realized that feeling rested is not in my future. While visiting my sister I woke up feeling good went to bed late woke up early and yet was energised all day.I never felt tired or like I was running on fumes.

Then returning home I hit a big brick wall.

So why is it as a mom we never really get rest? It's the norm to see mom's walking around a little droopy eyed and to hear them respond to a question "hu?"
Then I sat here and wrote down my daily adventures and WOW no wonder I'm so tired!!!!!

I wake up at 7 to pack lunch get 3 kids dressed and backpacks loaded. Plus, I have myself to get ready. (cuz you don't want to be that mom in pj's with bedhead). Come home make beds and clean kitchen all before 9. Oh I should blog and Dean will need a nap but you MUST fit it in before you have to pick Ava up at 12. Lunch must be healthy and filling or you'll hear every hour til dinner "can I have a snack?". Then Ava needs a nap (Dean on his second one) wake them up before you need to pick Shea up at 3.
"Mom, mom, mom we need a snack and can we play wii?"
"hu?"
OH DAGNABIT!!! I didn't go to the store for dinner fixins'. "OK everyone in the car".
Anyone else just love taking three kids to the store?
Get home, cook, dinner on table by 6 because there's still homework, bath, and pj's. Plus I'll be doing this all alone while Kevin works on one thing or another in the garage. Ok it's 830 and I must clean up dinner because one, it has to be done at some point and two if you are anything like me you can't sit in a messy house. Ok 10..... Why am I wide awake now? What the heck, shouldn't I be beat right now? (this is my first energy all day)
Finally, midnight rolls around and I can finally sleep.
Oh, Shidooby....IT ALL STARTS AGAIN TOMORROW!!!!!
I'll never be rested again will I?
"hu?"

289% Excited!!

This morning while waking up the girls for school Shea sat up in bed and said "we leave for vacation tomorrow!"

"Yes" I said, "Are you excited?"

Shea "MOM I'm 289% excited!"

This is a great way to start your morning, your children are over the moon to get the day started and over with. I have to say I'm at least 289% excited too. Going to visit my sister and her family is one of the best trips we take together.

Memories come flooding back just thinking about it. From our 1st visit in Christmas '03 when we told everyone we were expecting our first child. Or a trip solely to paint a princess castle on our new niece's bedroom wall. To the last trip where a screaming baby got me out of a 17mph over ticket! We are over the moon to see what this trip brings.

Last night at dinner Kevin said "let's leave tomorrow night when I get home" that's how excited he is. This is the man that texts our nephew (the one we are visiting) funny jokes he's heard, and has made a promise to paint giant surf boards on his bedroom walls while we are there. I think Kevin is as excited as Parker maybe more. These boys have lots in common including their mental age. (14)

.

Now, I can't leave out Ava's excitement. Since we planed this trip her "very best friend in the whole entire earth" (Aislynn) has been sending her little notes. Ava jumps up and down every time she gets one. She has received 3 and they are all safely hidden in her underwear drawer.

So here's to being 289% excited! Hope you are ready for me my sweet Trishy Lou Who cuz here we come.....

(these pictures are of the girls ready for school about 20 minutes early)

Summer's End

This weekend we had to say goodbye to summer. It went way to fast and I never got a tan!

I love summer, so leaving it behind this year was even harder then last year. While living in Arizona I enjoyed days at the pool well into October, heading back to the pool by April. (oh those were the days)

However, needing a hoody already is really taking a toll on my AZ state of mind. This Labor day weekend marked the 2 year anniversary of us moving to Colorado. I know on many levels that our move was right for us. (in my heart I still ache for the life we led in AZ)

So this weekend while Kevin did a side job in down town fort collins at the Oak street plaza we joined him, while I read my book enjoying the last two days before the cold front came in, my funny kids played for hours with each other. There was no fighting, just laughing and splashing and child like games with their wonderful imaginations.

They needed a lil warm up time when a breeze came through.

Dean thought it was so funny that the water just popped up out of no where.

Hope all you Coloradans enjoyed the last days of summer. To you Arizonans just remember you have a beautiful golden tan and get to swim until it's time to put out the pumpkins! :)

Dreams, Tears, and Irritation

Last night was like no other I've ever had. After I put the kids to bed and did the dishes I sat down to watch some of my tivo-ed summer finales. For about 4 weeks I've been loosing vision when I stand, but as of the last week I also have blurry vision and what feels like blinders. So while watching TV I got more and more irritated with the fact that the picture wasn't clear.
So I went out to tell Kevin and instead of getting sad and telling him about my eyes, but then I yelled at Kevin for?? Oh no! here comes CRAZY... I got mad at Kevin because we haven't touched in a week (he's been super sick too). Also because I want another baby (we agreed to wait until December, so really a non-issue). ALSO because I'm fat and he "let's" me drink 4 Dr. Peppers a day. Also because I hate work and want him to tell me to quit. (he's told me to about 10 times).
I have never in my life taken stupid s*!t out on anyone, but by 10 I was in full blown tears (eyes swollen, boogers etc). Over things that are not true and not a big deal.

Then I feel asleep and oh the dreams!!!! Wow, one after another, after another about having a baby. One where I delivered in the car on the way to the hospital. One where Kevin wasn't there until 3 days after. The worst I had an emergency c-section where I was drugged up so much I don't remember the whole thing. So when I wake up they just show me a paper with the baby's stats. Oh it's a BOY I didn't know, and what 11pounds 15ounces!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT?????

Anyone have any advice for this whole debacle I called my Tuesday night???

tiny, sweet bird flew the coop today

Today August 30th 2010 my baby daughter started preschool. I'm in tears, why didn't I cry
when Shea left? Because she is sassy and tough and so mature that when she started I knew it was time for her to spread her wings and fly.

The tears today are because my sweet Ava has now spread her wings to fly and I think maybe she should still be baking in the egg. Ava is tender hearted, sweet to her core, loving, and 35lbs soaking wet. (a bully's dream).

Dear Ava,

I'm missing you so much but you could not get out of the arms fast enough to start Miss Bonnie's preschool. So goodbye to my morning snuggles and cartoon buddy, I hope it's everything you wanted. I love you... I'll see you in T minus 97 minutes!

xoxo, momma

For the Love Of ME!

Yesterday while my son was asleep and my husband was home sick I took myself out on the town. I spoiled myself something good!

First I went to Book Lovers (a wonderful used book store) and walked around for an hour exploring all the sections with my favorite authors, finding a treasure trove of books I've wanted to read.

As I was walking up to the register with my wonderful finds I got all excited inside to tell the lady my name because I knew I had credit and these books would be frrreeeee!

What bliss fell over me walking out of the store with not 1 but 4 new adventures in my hands.

That's not all..... I went on with my alone afternoon and headed over to Target. I love not grabbing a cart, not having to buckle anyone in, and just walking around with no purpose. After browsing the clearance racks (why would you ever pay full price for clothes?) I came upon the DVD section... Another treasure chest! (If you know me you know I love movies)

There it was gleaming there on the shelf The Back Up Plan.. it was screaming "buy me buy me you know you want to! I made you laugh out loud at the theater and you talked about me for a few hours after, still laughing!"

So what can I say the DVD flew off the shelf into my hands and off to the cash register I went.

Still more spoiling for ol' Ang! On my way home I stopped by Sonic Happy Hour and got myself a route 44 Dr. Pepper, extra ice... for 99 cents!

What a wonderful day for the LOVE OF JUST ME!!

Wordless Wednesday

Today I'm doing my own Wordless Wednesday.... Reasons he makes me laugh out loud daily.

Ok two words "DR. PEPPER!!"